Welcome, friends and enemies, to Happy Medium Club: Volume 16. Thank you for inviting us into your brain/inbox/browser. It’s nice here!
Speaking of brains, we want to hear your thoughts about HMC. If you’ve got 5 minutes to spare, we’d love it if you could take a short ‘lil survey.
Thank you! We really appreciate it! Oh, and on that note. To all the people who shared writing prompts via Instagram, thank you so much. Just the inspiration we needed. We’re working on some bippity-boppity-boop as we speak. Stay tuned, wizards.
In HMC Vol. 16:
Joel defends himself from Swifties
Cool outfits
Evil houseplants
Scorpios
Teeth
Other stuff
You know the drill. Add to our collaborative playlist as the spirit moves you.
FYI, this article might have some affiliate links from the Amazon Associates program and other online stores — which means we earn a small commission when you click on a link (at extra cost you). Holler with questions!
Defending my POV on Taylor Swift
By Joel Moisa
In the previous volume, I shared my experience of how Taylor Swift's concert influenced my music listening habits.
Following that, I received several responses (2) from individuals who expressed their dissatisfaction with my selection of "top five Taylor Swift" songs. To be clear, the playlist I linked in the blurb only contained five songs because I accidentally forgot to add more while I was busy packing for my vacation.
For starters, my top five list would include “invisible strings” because, of course, it’s my wedding song, and a few other songs (that's a lie). I am unqualified to list my top 5 favorite Taylor Swift songs as I am a new baby boy entering one of the scariest fandoms of all time.
Stay cool and look hot this summer
“Elegance, freedom, fairytales, etc.”
By Danielle Johnson
It’s summer. It’s too hot. And so are we. That means it's time to pull out your favorite swimsuits, crochet tops, and flowy dresses.
With the temperatures rising into the triple digits, we all want to stay cool, comfortable, stylish, and of course hot. This summer, do what you must to live it up while staying alive.
Here’s what I’m feeling. P.S. I’m linking examples for billionaires and other rich people. Follow my lead and just google knock-off versions.
1. Bold prints
From vibrant neon shades to eye-catching animal prints, daring cutouts, and trendy one-shoulder styles, there's a swimsuit or loungewear out there that matches your essence in the loudest way possible. Try it on!
2. Crochet tops
Ah, crochet tops! 😍 They're the perfect way to channel that boho-chic look. Personally, I’ll be pairing a crochet top with my a few of my favorite shorts and flowy pants. They add a touch of whimsy to any outfit.
3. Flowy dresses
There's something magical about flowy summer dresses. Elegance, freedom, twirling, fairytales, etc. That is all I have to say on the matter.
So, basically…
This season, let's celebrate loose fits, lightweight fabrics, and mesmerizing prints. Grab a flowy dress or a playful romper and walk on sunshine. Let’s do whatever we gotta do to channel pure bliss and infuse our wardrobes with our own personal touches, my friends.
Oh and drink water, apply SPF, and probably just do not go outside under any circumstances at all.
Houseplants to Transform Your Home into an Evil Villain Lair
“It will poke you.”
By Dom Johnson
In the previous volume, I discussed how I loved morning glories because they are evil. This is true. And it got me thinking about other evil plants that I love.
If, like me, you happen to be in the middle of your villain origin story, you probably need to transform your home into an evil lair for bad guys.
Please enjoy a selection of houseplants that will not only bring a touch of darkness and intrigue to your living space but will also thrive under the most unhinged conditions.
Black Magic Rose
I mean, the name speaks for itself.
With its deep, velvety black petals, The Black Magic Rose is basically the botanical manifestation of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.
If you’re looking for a plant that exudes mystery and enchantment, this rose is the perfect centerpiece for your lair, symbolizing your nefarious intentions while adding an air of sophistication and general hotness. Just be careful of its thorns. Because it WILL poke you.
Light: Full sun. Roses prefer to be outside. But if you want to keep her inside, place her near the brightest window — southeast facing if you can.
Water: At least weekly during the summer; water whenever the soil is dry to touch
Soil: Moist, well-draining potting soil.
Fertilizer: Add a slow-release fertilizer to the soil when initially planting; fertilize every 3-4 weeks subsequently
Raven ZZ Plant
ZZ plants can basically thrive in the darkest, dustiest corners of your home. With unparalleled resilience, it’s impossible not to root for them. But this specific ZZ variety — the Raven—is named after a scary bird. And it has sharp, almost-black leaves. And it’s capable of growing in rooms with basically no light. So it’s a plant for bad guys.
Prop it next to a spooky candelabra or the Declaration of Independence that you stole.
Light: Low light
Water: Just, like…whenever. But to be safe, you can water it once every 1-2 weeks.
Soil: Well-draining indoor potting mix (this is key to its resilience).
Fertilizer: Mix general all-purpose fertilizer with your watering once a month. Or don’t!
Devil's Ivy
The Devil’s Ivy, a strain of pothos, gets its name because it is basically immortal, and very difficult to kill. It’s got strong climbing vines with heart-shaped leaves that stay green, even when kept in the dark. This vine plant features heart-shaped leaves with variegated patterns that range from deep green to shades of devilish red.
Like the ZZ plant, Devil's Ivy is also known for its resilience, making it an excellent choice for even the most neglectful villains.
Light: Prefers direct, bright light but can thrive in dark environments if needed. You’ll see bigger and brighter growth with more light — but do what you gotta do.
Water: Every 1-2 weeks, allowing the soil to dry out between waterings.
Soil: Well-drained, porous indoor potting soil.
Fertilizer: All-purpose, indoor plant fertilizer.
Bloodleaf
As a true villain, you can't resist the allure of deep, blood-red foliage. The Bloodleaf plant is the epitome of dramatic beauty, with its vibrant crimson leaves that resemble pools of spilled blood (yikes). With its preference for bright, indirect light, the Bloodleaf thrives in the ambiance of your evil domain, reminding all who enter of your dark intentions.
Light: Bright, indirect light, or partial shade. If you want to place it in a dark room, consider staging it next to a full spectrum lamp or something.
Water: Water often, and keep the soil moist to touch
Soil: Well-draining, loamy soil
Fertilizer: Every two to three weeks; look for a blend with high nitrogen
Morning Glories (Continued)
Morning Glories visually, are not very villainous. They’re aptly named. Morning glories. They look glorious in the morning. But do not be fooled. They are evil.
What makes morning glories truly bad is their need for control. They need to be the dominant plant in the garden. If you don't prune them regularly, they'll take over everything. They'll choke out your other plants and leave you with nothing but a beautiful, sinister sea of morning glories.
Plant them under southeast sunlight, and they’ll do whatever they can to grow as wide and climb as high as possible. And by “climb” I mean tightly wind their vines in coils around whatever they can get their fuzzy little vines on. If there's nothing else to climb, they'll climb themselves, coiling their vines around each other until they reach the sky. They’re like anacondas but cute.
Right now, one of my morning glory is currently growing around the frame of my front door. If I didn’t actively prune the vines, I’d have to use a machete to get in and out of my house every day. I am barely exaggerating.
Light: The brightest of bright lights AKA the full sun (plant these guys outside)
Water: Generously during the growing season and dry periods, but reduce watering in winter as they can tolerate drier conditions once established.
Soil: Moist, well-drained soil
Fertilizer: They don’t like fertilizer because fertilizer is for babies.
Additional villainous houseplants:
Bat Flower: With its black blossoms and bat-like tendrils, is a captivating addition to any nefarious hideout, thriving in partial shade.
Dragon’s Blood: The Dragon Blood Plant, with its fiery red leaves and mystical aura, is a perfect addition to your wicked stronghold or secret hideout, thriving in well-drained soil and partial sunlight.
Snake Plant: With its striking tall leaves that resemble snakes slithering through the shadows, is an ideal choice for your sinister fortress or covert lair, flourishing in various light conditions and requiring minimal care.
Conclusion
Let your imagination run wild as you cultivate an environment that reflects your villain-era aesthetic. With these plants by your side, you'll have the perfect green accomplices to help you carry out your nefarious plans. Embrace the darkness, and may your lair be filled with villainous splendor!
Please villain responsibly.
Other plant stuff from the HMC family…
My Las Vegas Outfit
“The coolest outfit I’ve ever worn.”
By Joel Moisa
In this essay, I will describe what I think is the coolest outfit that I've ever worn. Samantha and I celebrated our anniversary in Las Vegas where we shopped at some cool boutique shops off the strip.
We randomly visited Pharmacy Boardshop Las Vegas (Pharmacy LV), bought a few things, and talked to the cashier who recommended we check out Alt Rebels — which he said was his favorite shop in the arts district. Of curse, we went to Alt Rebels. We love thrifting and like it even more when it is curated!
Alt Rebelz is such a cool place. So much quality clothing at a reasonable price!!
While looking around I found the most perfect-fitting denim jacket. I loved it but I didn't want to buy it because I would have to wait several months to wear it. Samantha (being the smartest person) bought the jacket for me. This was the start of the coolest outfit I've ever put together in my life.
The second piece that added a little flare to my pretty normal outfit was my Ascott—which was really just an old bandana I hadn't thrown away from college.
Then we move on to my shirt, which was a hand-me-down from Kyle Magnaye. It’s a cream-colored Madhappy shirt that I tucked into my favorite pants.
My Banana Republic pants are a weird chocolate brown with a hint of maroon and they’re pretty baggy, which makes them my favorite.
White gold toe socks. Easy does it. And when they’re visible, there isn’t a logo that shows or anything.
And last, my Salomon XT6s which kinda brought the outfit together. I love wearing my XT6s because of what they aren’t. They’re not a sneaker, a boot, or even like a clog. The silhouette doesn’t have laces. It’s a clean and pretty slick trail shoe!
I know this is a TikTok influencer outfit but it made me feel very confident and cool! And that is all I care about.
Dylan the Duke of Dentistry shares Dental Wisdom
“Don’t use charcoal toothpaste.”
By Dylan Kovar
Dylan is a friend of Happy Medium Club, and he is also Samirah’s husband. He’s approaching the end of his dental school adventure, and he’ll be a deranged dentist in no time. Below, he shares some guidance he’s picked up throughout his dental school endeavors. The rest of the words are from Dylan.
Smile Direct Club is especially nefarious.
If you're interested in braces, I'm sorry but Smile Direct Club is a scam. Go the old fashion way. Braces or Invisalign.
Why is Smile Direct Club especially nefarious? There's no oversight from a licensed dentist. A patient that has active decay or poor periodontal health is at risk of exacerbating their issues and can even lose teeth. Smile Direct Club also does nothing to fix relevant problems like jaw issues, open bite, underbite, overbite, crossbite, etc.
Don’t use charcoal toothpaste.
Never ever use charcoal toothpaste or any product that lacks fluoride. It'll just rub away your enamel which will make your teeth less white and more susceptible to cavities. You might see initial improvement in removing stains but over time it'll just wear down your teeth.
Most cavities develop overnight, so the most important time to brush and floss is right before bed. We don't produce as much saliva during slumber so there's nothing to wash away bacteria and food debris.
Going to the dentist shouldn't hurt.
You shouldn't feel any discomfort during a dental procedure and most anesthetic shots should be relatively painless. Although, there are slight variations based on the location of the shot and the type of anesthetic.
Don’t believe the following myths:
“Fluoride is unsafe.” …It's very safe.
“Sugarless gum is a decent alternative to brushing.” …Not true.
“You only have to brush 1x/day.” You should brush a minimum of 2x/day.
“Kids don't need to brush before their permanent teeth grow in.”
Cavities in kids‘ teeth can cause all sorts of problems, and can even infect permanent teeth before they grow.
Brighten up your dental hygiene routine with these recommendations from Dylan:
Oral B Genius or Oral B iO toothbrush.
Crest Toothpaste (they offer sensitivity toothpaste as well)
Real floss (not the toothpick kind). The $0.99 Target brand is more than adequate.
If you use a manual toothbrush, never use anything harder than soft bristles.
HAPPY BITS
Random stuff we like.
We made a Pinterest!!! Our account already got suspended once. Buckle up for a wild ride.
“Airy, soft, natural.” We want to live in Henry Golding’s breathtakingly beautiful backyard.
Watch television in the shower, you cowards.
boygenuis, the supergroup consisting of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Daucus, and Julien Baker performed their PERFECT music in PERFECT drag and delivered a PERFECT f*ck you to anti-LGBTQ drag laws in Tennessee. Phoebe, Lucy, and Julien are now the three branches of government.
Astrology stuff
It’s Cancer season / almost Sam’s birthday. We definitely relate to Myrna Tellingheusen’s outburst described below (reshared by Astro Poets on Twitter).
If you’re into astrology, you should follow Chani Nicholas if you haven’t already. She takes astrology almost as seriously as she takes compassion, empathy, and social justice. She’s also got this handy calendar you can download that lets you know when major astrological events are happening. And it integrates with the calendar on your phone, laptop, or tablet so you don’t have to download a new app.
Taylor Swift, the queen of infrastructure, speaks now.
As reported by CNN, “public transit systems across the United States are getting a much-needed, if temporary, boost from Taylor Swift fans flooding trains, buses, and subways to her sold-out Eras Tour…all those Swifies taking mass transit offer lessons for policymakers on how to adapt to the post-pandemic world…”
Also, she’s begging you to stop cyberbullying John Mayer ahead of the release of Speak Now (Taylor’s Version). In case you didn’t know, Dear John is one of the angriest and best breakup songs of all time. Jonathan should lay low for a bit (this is not cyberbullying, just a recommendation).
If you’re into podcasts…
We double-dog implore you to check out these episodes from a few of our favorite shows:
“The 10,000 Steps Myth” - Maintenance Phase: This podcast does the lord’s work. Every episode they analyze, debunk, and demystify troubling trends in the health and wellness space. AKA do not stress yourself out trying to reach 10k steps every day.
“Greetings, People of Earth” - This American Life: Explain ChatGPT and generative AI to me like I’m a 10-year-old but be nice about it. And invoke a sense of wonder, awe, dread, and optimism about the limitless potential of the human spirit.”
“The Cataclysm Sentence” - Radio Lab: Suppose humanity experiences the apocalypse tomorrow. Before we go, we have the opportunity to write a single sentence on a small piece of paper to help our predecessors rebuild after the rubble. What should we write? What would you write? This episode explains the scientific implications of this question, analyzes how one of the world’s most famous physicists answered it, and then asks a whole bunch of other weirdos how they would answer it.
Thanks for reading!
Don’t forget to take our survey if the spirit moves you. We hope you have several good consecutive days in a row.