Hey! We’re back to ramble about another wild week of football.
At HMC, we’re HUGE proponents of skimming — so if you want some ultra-tiny talking points to reference during your small-talk sessions, here you go!
Josh Allen is back, and he’s pitch-perfect hehe.
Patrick Mahomes and Zach Wilson reenact “The Change-Up” in the presence of Ryan Reynolds.
Olivia Culpo's fiancé is good at touchdowns.
Taylor Swift is making Travis Kelce famous. Also, is she in Deadpool 3???
On the note of Taylor Swift, we asked a few people for their POV on the presumed Swift/Kelce romance. Responses include:
“I don’t know who that man is.”
“I think they look amazing together, and she looks like she is so happy like not fake happy.”
*groan*
“This is the most significant thing to ever happen.”
“I have no comment but the TikTok trend is funny.”
Keep scrolling for more NFL small talk!!! And yes, we mention Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce approximately four more times. It’s a big deal and it’s fun to talk about, okay?!
Hailee Steinfeld is probably really proud of her boyfriend!
“The Bills, led by Josh Allen, reminded us all that they are Super Bowl contenders.”
Joel Moisa
The Buffalo Bills handily defeated the Miami Dolphins 48-20 and put the NFL on notice.
How could we forget about how good the Bills were before Hailee Steinfeld’s boyfriend (Josh Allen) hurt his elbow last year?
I see why we’d overlook the Bills as contenders after Allen’s poor play in Week One against the NY Jets. And I see how we could overlook the Bills because the Dolphins were glowing after they scored 70 points on the Denver Broncos! But the Bills, led by Josh Allen, reminded us all that they are Super Bowl contenders— on offense and on defense.
The Bills defense suffered a huge loss after the Tre'Davious White injury, but Von Miller will be joining the fold soon, and that’s always a huge plus.
As for the Dolphins, they still scored 20 points against an incredible defense. Mike McDaniel will find ways to re-tune the offense to adjust to Sean McDermott’s genius schemes.
I’m excited about what the Dolphins are going to do in the coming weeks.
C-M-C 4 M-V-P
“Give the people what they want!”
Samirah Swaleh
NFL MVP is essentially just a popularity contest, imho. Generally, this little award always goes to a quarterback. Which makes sense! Quarterbacks handle the ball on every play, after all.
Patrick Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning, and Tom Brady have all won it multiple times. So, maybe you’re wondering, can a nonquarterback even be considered for MVP? Sure!
But the last to do it? Running back Adrian Peterson in 2012. That season, Peterson rushed for more than 2,000 yards and carried the Vikings to the playoffs.
On Sunday, San Francisco 49ers running back Christian McCaffrey (excuse me, Olivia Culpo’s fiancé) racked up four touchdowns in San Francisco’s route against the Arizona Cardinals. He set a franchise record for 13 consecutive games with a touchdown and remains the only active NFL player with that kind of streak.
When Carolina traded McCaffrey to the 49ers last year, there was quite a bit of hesitation on whether the running back would even provide a boost to the 49ers already stacked offense. But since his addition, the 49ers have only lost two games. Not only is he a threat on the ground, but his versatility as a pass catcher has made him an unstoppable weapon for the 49ers. His mere presence has also enabled the Niners to build an intimidating passing game, opening up more opportunities in the air for guys like Brandon Aiyuk.
CMC can quite literally do it all. On Sunday, he showed off his value by running for three touchdowns and catching one too. That’s when the MVP chants started at Levi’s Stadium. But it’s crazy because Sunday’s performance isn’t even the craziest of his career??? Last year, he completed the ultimate hat trick in a game against the Rams, where he caught a touchdown, ran for a touchdown, and threw a deep ball to Aiyuk for a touchdown. Correct, CMC can run, block, catch, and throw. Holy SHMOKES. Give the people what they want. CMC for MVP.
Also… remember that GQ photoshoot. 👀 Click at your own risk hehe.
The New York Jets defense is legit (and is Patrick Mahomes okay?)
“High-flying, ground-and-pound defense.”
Joel Moisa
This past Sunday, Swifties and America, witnessed what seemed to be a promising New York Jets offense ultimately succumb to the Kansas City Chiefs.
The New York Jets lost to the Kansas City Chiefs 23-20. Here are the takeaways.
Jets: Strong Defense!!
The Jets' defense is legit and continues to keep the Jets in the game despite quarterback Zack Wilson's terrible performance. In the spirit of journalistic integrity, we should note that Lebron James and other giants are telling people to cut Zack some slack. Fine, but still.
Chiefs: Patrick, what’s wrong??
The Chiefs were winning 17-0 going into the second quarter and collapsed in the face of danger.
Play-by-play
The Chiefs’ offensive line couldn’t keep CJ Mosley, or any of the Jets players, for that matter out of the backfield and forced two Patrick Mahomes interceptions!
This led to the Jets scoring 12 points with a score of 20-12 at the start of the 3rd quarter.
Then we saw Zach Wilson put together a beautiful drive that led to a touchdown with a successful 2-point conversion!
Heading into the 4th quarter no one believed the subpar Patrick Mahomes play would continue. But it did.
The defense was all over him and proved to be too much… Until he started running and they called pass interference in favor of the Chiefs—and they iced the game.
The game left me feeling uneasy about Patrick Mahomes’ health. Both interceptions were underthrown into really bad coverage. I couldn’t believe the Jets defense forced the interceptions, which made me think, is Pat injured? Is he okay?
It turns out:
Patrick was fine, and…
His legs helped him win the game, and…
The Jets defense is legit.
Patrick Mahomes and Josh Allen both struggled against their opponents’ high-flying ground-and-pound defense. Kudos to them, and hopefully Zach keeps getting better.
Tayvis: A personal essay
“My two cultures.”
Samirah Swaleh
On Sunday night, me and 27 million others tuned into Sunday Night Football to watch Taylor and her celebrity squad cheering on her boyfriend, and the NFL’s best tight end, Travis Kelce.
I would have watched anyway, but this game was so significant to me, that it almost broke my brain. And I don’t mean “blah blah blah, I would have been watching football anyway” in a pick-me-girl type of way.
Football is just an interest of mine, and something I share with my husband, my family, and now my son. Maybe there’s something stupid here about my dad never having a son or whatever the heck. Some fake but maybe true, but probably gendered bullsh*t. Regardless, I want to be very clear here that I am a girl’s girl THROUGH AND THROUGH. To my core. I’m such a girl’s girl that I even hate slandering the pick-me-gals! You do you, girl! Get picked!
I love this for Taylor, and I love this for Travis. I love this for the girl gang and girl’s girls around the world. But mostly, I love this for myself.
Anyway, this isn’t the first time my life has been completely consumed by football-related thoughts. Last year, my two teams suffered horrific losses to end the football season. TCU lost baaaaaaad in the National Championship, and the 49ers lost in the NFC Championship. I won’t get into that, but you can Google it and laugh at me later.
This took me on a 3-4 week rollercoaster of various types of depression that honestly left me to question whether my interest in football was completely stupid. And frankly, it was embarrassing.
I honestly wasn’t sure if I’d come back from it.1
Seems silly, but that’s why this moment feels all the more fun to me? I love Taylor Swift. I’m a full-fledged Swiftie. And my fandom for Taylor is rooted in my being a girl’s girl. I don’t really need to get into why that is. Maybe that’s an essay for later. But for now, I’ll just say that Miss Americana’s influence on my life cannot be overstated.
I’ve loved every moment of Taylor and Travis’ budding romance. I love the little hip bump she gives Blake in the suite when she spots Trav. I love the little fake punch she throws to mimic him on the field. I love the cute, giggly parade of celebs (Deadpool 3, Tay Tay???) that joined her in support. The opportunity to obsess over Taylor Swift and the NFL simultaneously? I wouldn’t dream of passing this up. My two cultures.
I love this for Taylor, and I love this for Travis. I love this for the girl gang and girl’s girls around the world. But mostly, I love this for myself.
Medical Disclaimer
I’m not a psychologist, but if I had to guess, my consumption of Taylor and her A-list girl gang and my consumption of football are both rooted in my high-functioning anxiety.
But please, consult your doctor before you self-diagnose your own obsession with Tayvis.
Wanna read more stuff, you football NERD?
Look no further, NERD!
Was the NFL/Toy Story thing a collective fever dream or did it really happen? Maybe both???
What is the AFC? What the heck is a Corner Back? And why, audibly, does it sound so SIMILAR to quarterback? Also, what is an audible? Actually, what is anything? Joel Moisa explains the NFL to normal people.
Okay, one more Tayvis Plug: Travis Kelce keeps inviting Taylor Swift to games he knows he’ll dominate. It’s so cute to think about Travis trying to outsmart the Mastermind herself.
The Joe Burrow Thirst Epidemic (may we NEVER find a cure).
Alright, that’s it for now!
Thanks for small-talking with us! We love you and we like you! Stream Taylor Swift, or whomever you want.
Editor’s Note: I (Dom) can confirm that Samirah went through a profound bout of existential dread following TCU's loss in the National Championship. She spent hours lamenting about how overwhelming it can be to be so deeply affected by sports-related events. Nevertheless, upon thoughtful reflection, she came to the conclusion that it's perfectly acceptable to like things A LOT.