HMC: NFL Water Cooler Talk - Volume 2
“This is all pretty chaotic. I like it.”
Welcome to the latest volume of HMC's NFL Water Cooler Talk, your favorite place to small-talk about football, astrology, and Usher.
In this edition…
Dallas Cowboys, are you okay?
Is it time to consider relegation?
Vikings! Help!
Join us as we hyperventilate about Taylor Swift and Travis Kecle.
PS if you’re tired of football, we give you our blessing to delete this email. Stay tuned for a regular-degular volume of HMC, coming to your inbox on Friday!
Cowboys Upset: Big yikes, but Joel feels validated.
Samirah Swaleh
I don’t even know what the take is here. I mean, it feels so obvious, but at the same time, I can’t find the right words. At the risk of sounding cheugy, all I can muster is… yikes!
The Cowboys dropped a gimme to the Arizona Cardinals this week. Yes, the same Dallas Cowboys that shut out the Giants 40-0 in Week 1 and bulldozed the Jets 30-10 in Week 2. The supposed “best defense” in the NFL gave up 222 rushing yards in the game. And by halftime, the Cowboys found themselves down 21-10. Again, yikes!
To be fair to the Cowboys, the team likely felt gutted after losing star CB Trevon Diggs for the season. Diggs tore his ACL in practice earlier that week. Still, the Cowboys’ performance Sunday was poor on both sides of the ball. The Cowboys moved the ball, but they continued to find themselves stalled in the red zone while playing catchup in the second half. Two of their red zone trips resulted in field goals, while two others resulted in turnovers. One of which, as you probably anticipated, was an interception by Dak that essentially sealed the game.
This is what has some people on the HMC staff asking — “IS DAK EVEN TRYING!”
Now to Joel…
While an unfortunate loss for Cowboys fans, Joel feels validated. To be honest, there’s a reason people were hesitant to call the Cowboys the best team in football after two weeks, despite their victory margins.
Because of their dominant defense, we really didn’t learn much about what their offense looked like in the first two weeks. Their trouncing of the Giants looked impressive, but the offense didn’t necessarily make any big plays, and their win in week two came against an almost comatose Jets team.
Look, their defense is probably still 🔥 even without Diggs, but we have some lingering questions (I’m not ready to say doubts) about some of the other pieces of this team.
Bad teams are bad!
Samirah Swaleh & Joel Moisa
The NFL has never explored the concept of relegation, but maybe it’s time to consider it? The Broncos and Bears, particularly, have been so bad for so long that it’s difficult to see them ever being competitive. For those not familiar with the concept of relegation from the hit Apple TV show Ted Lasso, relegation would provide a way to remove these teams from the NFL and give other teams a chance to compete, at least until they get their sh*t together.
Here’s why we’re asking about relegation. There were some seriously UGLY losses in the league this week. Just massively embarrassing.
The Dolphins laid a 70 burger on the Broncos (Final: Dolphins 70 - Broncos 10). It’s frankly embarrassing for teams to lose by these huge margins, and it’s bad for the league as a whole. Meanwhile, the Bears dropped to 0-3 after losing 41-10 to the Chiefs. (We’ll get to other highlights of this game later 😉.
Maybe some teams are purposely tanking to improve their draft position (AKA trying to win the Caleb Williams sweepstakes). But also, have your best players sit at some point! Players can get injured at any time, and we don’t want to see any more Tua concussion protocol tags!
If you’re in for a Super Bowl run, please be smart, Mike. Which reminds me… Mike McDaniel for coach of the year! 🐬🐬🐬
The NFL is a great league, but it's not perfect. One way to make it better would be to introduce relegation, which would make the league more competitive and exciting.
Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce (!!!)
Samirah Swaleh & Dom Johnson
You thought we weren’t going to spam your inbox with TSwift content this week? Think again, girlies!!!
Alright, before we talk about Miss Americana’s attendance at last week’s Chief game, we need to catch you up on the lore.
Honestly, there could be an entire season of prestige television about this news cycle, but we’ll try and sum it up.
In April 2023, Taylor Swift abruptly called it quits with her longtime London Boy Lover Joe Alwyn, while Travis Kelce, fresh off his 2022 breakup with sports journalist Kayla Nicole, took the opportunity to shoot his shot by attempting to give Taylor a cute little friendship bracelet at her concert Kansas City. But he didn’t get a chance to connect with her because she was obviously busy.
BUT THEN, last week, Taylor Alyson Swift disrupted the entire world when SHOWED UP AT A KANSAS CITY CHIEFS GAME TO CHEER ON THE KIND HANDSOME WHIMSICAL TIGHT END (😉) TRAVIS KELCE ALONGSIDE TRAVIS KELCE’S BEAUTIFUL LOVING MOTHER. And then and then and then they LEFT the game TOGETHER in a CONVERTIBLE for a post-game celebration at a RESTAURANT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!
I don’t even know where to start here.
Which moment was the most memorable?
The club suite chest bump?
Travis Kelce’s pregame arrow?
The shared laugh with Donna Kelce?
The chicken fingers and *seemingly* ranch?
The pair leaving together, but not holding hands?
Lest we forget Taylor shouting “let’s f***ing goooo!” after Travis’ touchdown?
I really can’t stress how big this is. The biggest popstar in the world and TRAVIS KELCE, a future Hall of Famer. Absolutely bonkers. It’s all too much. And yet, there simply isn’t enough content out there for me to consume about this pair.
Vikings?? How are they 0-3???
Samirah Swaleh & Joel Moisa
35-year-old Kohl’s model and Vikings QB Kirk Cousins is on pace to have his best season yet. Ayyyy! But the Vikings have yet to win a game. The Vikings are now 0-3 after a close loss to the Chargers on Sunday.
At the same time, Cousins actually leads the league in passing yards, and receiver Justin Jefferson even leads the league in receiving yards. So how did we get here? Fumbles. Bad defense. And Kirk Cousins getting hit a whole lot.
At this rate, J. Jefferson isn’t going to re-sign. We can’t have any more frustrated Jefferson pictures or snippets (for Joel’s sanity). But also, the Vikings have been a fake good team for too long without anything to show for it. It has to come to an end (again, for Joel’s sanity).
Herbert finally gets a win!
Joel Moisa
Good for my second favorite quarterback! He’s an elite talent with a weird team of good players that can’t put it together long enough to win.
With Mike Williams suffering a torn ACL the season only gets harder for the least like NFL team in Los Angeles. I hope they put together a string of impressive wins that don’t come down to the last drive.
Free Davante Adams!
Joel Moisa
Someone, please trade for Davante Adams. The man is too good to be wasting his talents at such a helpless organization.
13 receptions, 172 yards, and two touchdowns! But the Raiders still dropped this one 23-18 to the Steelers. Davante is an elite pass catcher with height and body control that is hard to find in other receivers, but he’s stuck.
Betrayed by both his quarterback, who may have good intentions of feeding him the ball, but threw three unnecessary interceptions on Sunday, and his coach, who decided to kick a field goal (!) down 8 points with a little over two minutes left in the game. Davante isn’t happy. We’re not happy. Make it stop.
Once again, the NFL needs a player empowerment movement to help guys like him push their way out of terrible situations.
Usher books the Superbowl Half-Time Show
HMC Staff
Usher, the lieutenant governor of pop-adjacent R&B music, is actually a great choice for the Super Bowl Halftime Show. A lot of people really like him! (Dom is neutral on the matter). Regardless, it’ll be a good show. If he doesn’t bring out Alicia Keys as a special guest for the “My Boo Remix,” the Happy Medium Club staff will be litigating.
Unfortunately, we’ll probably have to settle for a family-friendly rendition of Yeah! featuring Lil’ Jon and Ludacris. But that’s cool.
Ranking our favorite Usher Songs:
11. DJ Got Us Falling in Love. A bop. Haters unwelcome.
10. My Way. Peloton loves this song. They’re not wrong.
9. Confessions (Pt. II). Was better before it became a meme, but I won’t give it up.
8. I Don’t Know. One of Usher’s hit songs.
7. Caught Up. Same as above.
6. U Remind Me. Just a classic R&B breakup song. Good as hell.
5. My Boo. If you didn’t send the lyrics of this song to your 6th-grade crush, what were you doing?
4. You Make Me Wanna. Cheating but hot.
3. U Got it Bad. I can’t necessarily explain this one, but because I know every last lyric, it will always hold a place in my heart.
2. I Need a Girl (Pt. I). Fun. Cute. Romantic. Pt. II was unmemorable.
1. Lovers and Friends. Oh my GOOOOOOD. Just a good a** song.
Honorable Mentions:
Boyfriend
Lemme See
Yeah!
Unpacking the Astrology of Libra Travis Kelce and Sagittarius Taylor Swift
Dom Johnson
I know it might seem a bit intrusive to delve into the astrological charts of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce without their permission, but I've already started typing, so I'm legally obligated to proceed.
Let's assume for a moment that the Kelce/Swift romance is genuine (which it probably is!!!). If Taylor and Travis are indeed involved romantically (which they probably are!!!), their astrological compatibility is narratively rich.
Their astrological charts remind me of two golden retrievers in love…except one golden retriever is made out of flames and the other golden retriever is made out of regular golden retriever stuff.
I like this pair a lot. Whether they’re in it for the long haul or just looking to have some fun while it lasts, I’m rooting for them.
It will take a little effort, tact, and compromise but I think they can forge a harmonious and enduring partnership that combines Libra's charm with Sagittarius's adventure.
Disclaimer: Remember that astrological compatibility is a general guideline, and individual personalities play a significant role in any relationship. For example, I know a Capricorn who's BLISFFULLY married to an Aquarius, defying all astrological logic (imagine a can of vegetables marrying Cat-woman).
Unfortunately, I couldn't readily identify Travis Kelce’s rising sign since I don’t know what time of day he was born. So let’s primarily focus on the duo’s Sun and Moon signs.
Taylor Swift: Sun in Sagittarius, Moon in Cancer, Scorpio Rising
Travis Kelce: Sun in Libra, Moon in Sag, Rising Unknown (show us your birth certificate, Travis!!!)
In short, their placements point to a hearty blend of Libran diplomacy, Sagittarian adventure, and the unbothered whimsy of two very hot rich people who enjoy hanging out with each other.
Let me explain.
Harmonious Sun Signs
Taylor Swift's Sun is in Sagittarius, a fire sign known for its adventurous and spirited nature. Meanwhile, Travis Kelce's Sun is in Libra, an air sign characterized by social grace and harmony.
Sagittarius and Libra share Jupiter as their ruling planet, often dubbed the "golden retriever" of the solar system. This planet symbolizes growth, expansion, and auspicious energy (AKA good luck). So basically, think sunshine and this emoji: ✨
Travis might express his sunny disposition through coy smiles, perfectly tailored suits, cute little touchdown dances, and cute little friendship bracelets. Taylor Swift—on the other hand—might opt for literal fireworks, flamethrowers, economic booms, and also cute little friendship bracelets.
They’ve got different energy for sure. But they both seem…really fun. This is all pretty chaotic. I like it.
Tricky Moons (but in a fun way)
Taylor Swift's Moon is in Cancer, and Travis Kelce's Moon is in Sagittarius. I don’t have enough space to describe Cancer Moons. Just know they cry all the time and feel every emotion to it’s fullest. That explains the all-consuming rage of Reputation or the existential yearnings of Midnights. And the 10-minute version of All Too Well. So. Many. Feelings.
Travis's Sagittarian Moon pairs well with Swift’s Sag Sun—characterized by emotional independence and fortitude. This placement could help him stay steady through Taylor’s screaming, crying, perfect storms, trans-continental stadium tours, presidential runs, or whatever. Also, Sag Moons are just like…really cool.
I can’t tell where this relationship will go but it’s none of my business at all — so I’ll settle for what our golden retrievers wanna give us.
As an amateur astrologer, here are my three takeaways:
Their relationship is already SHINY, BRIGHT, BRILLIANT. It’s giving Golden Hour, capturing our attention (Sagittarius) with undeniable wholesomeness (Libra).
We're probably thinking about this relationship more than Taylor and Travis are.
I don't have a third takeaway.
THANKS FOR HANGING OUT!
Sorry for saying so many football things towards you. We love you! See you on Friday for HMC: 19!!!