Hello, beautiful ones! Welcome to HMC Volume 22. Today, we’re covering:
High-Waisted Pants
The Baby Boys and Daddies of the NFL
Brock Purdy
A gift guide for toddlers (written by a toddler)
Skincare
Etc.
Skim! Indulge! Enjoy! Add to our collaborative Spotify playlist! Let us know your thoughts! Huzzah!
High-Waisted Pants
“My pants look better.”
Joel Moisa
Thank you to Hulu’s “The Bear” for introducing me to one of the coolest dudes in the industry, Matty Matheson. Matty (@mattymatheson on IG) is a world-renowned chef, a pop icon, and dresses better than most of us.
I've seen a few Instagram influencers praise his fashion sense. One specifically praised him for his ability to wear high-waisted pants.
It got me thinking…maybe I should give high-waisted pants a shot.
One afternoon, when no one was looking, I put on my favorite Gap jeans and pulled them up to my navel, and I was shook. They looked so, so, so much better than how I normally would wear them. My vintage Levis also look way better. And now I can tuck my shirt in for a trendier look.
Untucked shirt or not, my pants look better high-waisted. They have given new life to my wardrobe. So fellas, jack those non-skinny jeans up and lock them down with your best belt.
The NFL: Baby Boys, Daddies, & Beyond
“It’s a high honor to be a baby boy.”
Dom Johnson
This year, I mildly started watching football. I only understand 24 percent of the proceedings and usually zone out after 15 minutes.
What I do understand is that some teams are Daddies and some teams are Baby Boys.
This became clear as I watched the Baby Boy Buffalo Bills lose in the 11th hour to the Philadelphia Daddy Eagles a few weeks ago.
Even with my limited understanding of football, this game was quite fun to watch…until the last few minutes, which made me want to set my parents’ television on fire.
Background
After the Baby Boys (Bills) put up a solid fight against the Daddies (Eagles), it looked like they were going to subvert expectations and cinematically beat the dumb Eagles in overtime. But in the last few moments of the game, Eagles QB Jalen Hurts ran his villainous self into the End Zone, and the Baby Boys lost.
This is not supposed to happen, narratively speaking.
Let me be very clear about the rules of football and all sports: when Baby Boys and Daddies go against each other in overtime, the Baby Boys are supposed to win. Not the Daddies.
Literally, this is the plot of every sports movie ever made. It was rude and wrong for the Eagles to have done what they did. The Baby Boys were supposed to win.
Baby Boys and Daddies explained
According to the official NFL Rule Book: “When Baby Boys and Daddies play against each other in overtime, Daddies must put up a formidable effort against the Baby Boys. However, the Daddies’ efforts cannot be too formidable, because it is required for the Baby Boys to win in aforementioned situations. Please note this only applies to overtime.”
To dispel any confusion and forestall future mishaps, I've clarified below which NFL teams fall into the categories of Daddies, Baby Boys, or others. First, let’s align on a few definitions.
What are Baby Boys?
Baby Boys are the underdogs. Oftentimes, they’re a scrappy team led by one or two standout players. But more importantly, their essence invokes the wholesome charm of a Baby Boy.
Don’t misunderstand me, Baby Boy is NOT a derogatory term. It’s a high honor to be a Baby Boy. Baby Boys have heart. Sure, they may lose a lot of games. But they make it look fun and cute.
What are Daddies?
Daddies are really good teams that always win, etc. Even though they work really hard and deserve their achievements, it gets annoying. They don’t care that the Baby Boys have spirit. They’ll make every effort to crush the Baby Boys and make them feel small with their rude little touchdown dances.
In most circumstances, such behavior is permissible. There’s nothing wrong with a little friendly competition! However, as mentioned above, the Daddies are not allowed to win against the Baby Boys in overtime.
Misc. Categories
Below, you’ll see a few other categories that are either self-explanatory or completely absurd. We won’t be taking any questions on the matter.
PS Samirah, an avid football monster, helped fill in some gaps. Her contributions are in italics.
The Teams
Arizona Cardinals: Baby Boys
Atlanta Falcons: Middle children
Baltimore Ravens: Daddies
Buffalo Bills: Baby Boys
Carolina Panthers: Baby Boys
Chicago Bears: Bears
Cincinnati Bengals: Baby Boys
Cleveland Browns: Daddies (on defense)
Dallas Cowboys: Lil’ bros
Denver Broncos: Baby Boys (please note the Denver Broncos and the Buffalo Bills are the same team [in spirit])
Detroit Lions: DILFs (see Dan Campbell)
Green Bay Packers: Growing up before our eyes
Houston Texans: Baby Boys
Indianapolis Colts: Baby Boys
Jacksonville Jaguars: Fictional
Kansas City Chiefs: Mommies
Las Vegas Raiders: Baby Boys
Los Angeles Chargers: Fictional
Los Angeles Rams: Baby Boys
Miami Dolphins: Hot Girls!
Minnesota Vikings: Rebellious Teens
New England Patriots: Grandaddies
New Orleans Saints: Bayyybeh Boys (in a New Orleans accent)
New York Giants: Baby Boys
New York Jets: Baby Boys
Philadelphia Eagles: 49ers’ Babies 😈
Pittsburgh Steelers: Daddies
San Francisco 49ers: Daddies
Seattle Seahawks: Toddlers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Discount Double Check (albeit briefly)
Tennessee Titans: Fictional
Washington Commanders: Babies
Speaking of babies (some of y’all), let’s finally talk about Brock Purdy.
Let’s talk about Brock Purdy
“Deep balls under pressure galore.”
Samirah Swaleh
Look, I didn’t want to have to weigh in on this debate publicly. Frankly, I’m exhausted by the discourse. But some of y’all WILL NOT quit with your sh*t. At this point, I am beyond baffled by the weird obsession with discrediting everything about 49ers QB Brock Purdy, and I simply cannot refuse the opportunity to take to these pages to complain about it!
Why are y’all like this? Maybe it’s because he’s Mr. Irrelevant. Maybe it’s because he’s 23 and only in his first full season as a starter. Maybe it’s that he’s undersized. Maybe it’s because he seems kind of boring. I don’t know! But I’m tired of losing sleep over the reasons why this kid cannot do anything to gain the approval of the masses.
It appears that after getting his revenge on the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday, some in the ‘verse are triggered by Brock Purdy’s rising MVP odds. Shocker!
Brock Purdy now ranks:
First in completion rate among all quarterbacks in the league
First in yards per attempt
First in passer rating
First in QBR
…and first in success rate!
Heck, Purdy leads the league in *air yards* per attempt, and some of y’all are still cherry-picking yesterday’s game to insist he is a “checkdown king.”
Get the heck outta here. Sure, Purdy didn’t throw further than 15 air yards on Sunday, and the 49ers' offense dominated primarily with YAC (yards after catch), but that strategy not only helped them avoid a ferocious Philly pass rush but also helped them capitalize on Philly’s defensive weakness at linebacker.
Brock Purdy’s mind-blowing season so far
Brock Purdy this year has been absolutely dealing in the intermediate and deep ball game with highlights that would blow your mind if they came from a first-round draft pick in his first full season as a starter. I don’t know what to tell you if that doesn’t fit your narrative because it’s just the truth!
In fairness, history tells us that Kyle Shanahan’s quarterbacks enjoy a statistical boost from his offensive scheme. And, Purdy is surrounded by an incredible assortment of offensive skill players.
But Purdy, himself, passes the eye test – especially this year. Deep balls under pressure galore. Layered throws up the middle galore. Off-schedule plays that show his mobility galore. All this combined with his surgical execution of Shanahan’s scheme? Absolutely unbelievable for a second-year quarterback. It just is.
You can level fair critiques at the kid, sure. I’d still like to see him win more grimy games, games in bad weather, or games where he’s asked to elevate the performance of his skill players. I’d even like to see a bigger sample size, at least to declare that he’s HIM.
But, whether or not you (or I) think he’s the most valuable player in the league is honestly irrelevant.
In conclusion
My point right now is simply, Brock Purdy, quarterback of a Super Bowl contending team that is wiping the floor with its closest competition, with his statline, big-time throws, and record of wins, doesn’t at least deserve to be in the MVP conversation…is a whack thing to say.
Haters will, in fact, always hate. And many of you are prepared to die on the “system quarterback” hill. I can’t change your mind, but I can hope that you step in dog poo today. Bye!
TikTok Trend Review: Power Grip Primers
Iyanu Reeves
Apparently, the girls are talking about the magic of power grip primers. According to Exploding Trends, TikTok alone has over 161 million views of videos about them, and in the last two years, searches for E.L.F.’s Power Grip Primer rose by a staggering 1680%. The product earns E.L.F. a breezy $317K each month on Amazon alone. Geez.
I’m sure E.L.F.’s primer is great (they’re killing the makeup game tbh) and everyone says it’s a dupe of my fave primer: the Hydro Grip from Milk Makeup.
A few reasons I love Milk Makeup's Hydro Grip:
Excellent hydrating formula (including nourishing elements like aloe water to amplify hydration).
Super easy to establish a smooth and seamless base for makeup application.
Long-lasting hold!
Suitable for all skin types.
Although this sounds like an ad, I am not receiving any money from this, unfortunately.
On the flip side, some people say the consistency is a little gloopy. And the price point is kinda rude: 38 bucks for a little 0.33 oz bottle — that’s steep compared to E.L.F.’s 0.8 oz bottle which is only 15 bucks.
If you’re looking for a power grip primer, there is no shortage of reviews on TikTok for E.L.F., Milk, and so many other brands. Poke around #skintok and see if anything piques your interest. Maybe you’ll see our very own Sammie. 😊
Other Trending #SkinTok Delights include:
Lip Glow Oil: 3500% surge in searches over five years. Personally, I think the Dior Lip Oil is overhyped and overpriced but someone should buy me one and prove me wrong. 🤭
Glowing Sunscreen: 68% spike in searches in the last year. I heard Naturium has a great sunscreen but sorry nothing is prying the Shiseido Sunscreen from my hands.
Brow Glue: Over 372 million TikTok views. As someone with somewhat thin brows, I swear by the Nyx Brow Glue.
That’s it for now! Drink water! Goodbye!
A Gift Guide for Cranky Toddlers
“Cancel me! I don’t care, I’m a baby!”
Miles Kovar
Paw Patrol BandAids: These are not for boo boos. These are fun to dump out of the box onto the floor. I personally like to stick these on random body parts, around the house, or on the cat.
Spider-Man Car: If given the choice between a big Spider-Man car or a small Spider-Man car, I’d prefer a big Spider-Man car, but honestly, I’m open to all Spider-Man cars. Will also accept Spider-Man bike, Spider-Man motorcycle, Spider-Man bus, Spider-Man Jeep (like the one linked above, or a Spider-Man action figure that comes with a car.
Spider-Man Lego Duplo Set: This Spider-Man set looks absolutely bomb, but my parents said I already have too many Lego Duplos. These are the best toys for small, baby hands like mine. You can combine all the sets to make super duper extra-long trains and even stack Spider-Man houses on top of tractors on top of trains on top of super tall towers. Incredible. 10/10.
Cat & Jack Thermal Track Suit: This chunky hoodie from Target and its matching joggers are soft as heck, and if I could convince my mom and dad to let me play, sleep, and go to school in this set, I would. Perfect for a So-Cal kid like me during the winter months, when I refuse to wear a jacket because I’m feeling testy.
Tickets to Disneyland: This one is self-explanatory, but my cheap a** parents won’t take me. Even though I’ve told them how important it is for me to see Lightning McQueen and Mater in person before I turn 3. Ridiculous because entry is actually free for me as an itty bitty 2-year-old, but they insist I must be accompanied by an adult. This is child abuse… Cancel me! I don’t care, I’m a baby!
HAPPY BITS
Billy Barrantes is an Absolute Force of Incredibly Good Vibes. His latest act of incredible good vibes: Helping his childhood friend launch a soccer program in their Costa Rican hometown. Help the community that helped him become the Absolute Force of Incredibly Good Vibes that he is today.
In case you somehow didn’t know, Taylor Swift has three cats: Benjamin Button, Meredith Grey, and Oliva Benson named after Mariska Hargitay’s character from Law & Order: SVU. Well guess what: MARISKA HARGITAY NAMED HER CAT “KARMA”!!!! IN REFERENCE TO THE HIT SONG “KARMA” BY TAYLOR SWIFT!!! Legends supporting legends.
I (Dom) can’t wait to aggressively third wheel with Sam and Joel at the swanky Noche Mexican Grill in Tulsa. Peep @Sammoisa’s review on TikTok. 😊
A sweet interview and cute pictures of Dan Campbell, one of the hottest coaches in the NFL (physically speaking). 🥹
If you’re not already following Flame Ferguson (friend of HMC) on Instagram, you’ve gotta do it now. It’s so satisfying to watch Claire create the most stunning glass-blown art the world has ever seen. Also, we’re cooking up an in-depth feature about Flame Ferguson. Coming your way soon. Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss it.
That’s all!
We love you and we like you. Seriously, thanks so much for reading. See you soon! <3