Happy Medium Club: Volume 10
"I feel undeservingly happy."
Hello all! We are sorry for quiet quitting. We’re back! Thank you for your patience. :) If you’re mad at us, click the “share” button below. We’re using it to keep track of our haters.
Thank you so much to everyone who shared good vibes, incredible ideas, and hurtful feedback while we were on hiatus. We’ve got a lot of cool stuff in the works, and we couldn’t do any without you.
In Happy Medium Club Volume 10, we’re entering our toxic positivity era. Topics include:
A good dog
Dom is obsessed with his siblings
Joel is happy
Dom makes art on accident
Joel stops buying things
I do not like Sam and Joel’s new dog
“It’s in his eyes. A smugness.”
By Dom
Joel and Sam got a dog, and they named him Moose because he resembles Moose Tracks ice cream.
I don't like Moose. I do not like him.
Moose didn’t do anything wrong, but I still don’t like him.
I do not like Moose because — I cannot explain it. It’s in his eyes. I can see it. A smugness.
I’ll admit Moose seems like a Great American Puppy. Perfectly wholesome and playful. Dopey face. Sunny demeanor. Waggy tail.
Technically, he’s a great dog. A beautiful, happy dog, filled with joy and whimsy. He’s brave and kind. I would die for him without hesitation.
But I do not like him.
Moose needs to recognize his privilege.
I’m sure he’ll fit right in at the Moisa household with ease. That is the problem—the ease. He’s very calm about everything which gets under my skin.
He’s not looking at me with disdain, he’s not planning my demise, he‘a barely thinking about anything at all. Shocker!
This is my impression of Moose:
“Hi, I’m Moose. I am biologically cute, clumsy, and high-maintenance in a low-maintenance kind of way. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
I don’t buy it. I see right through his shtick. Because he is using my shtick.
At the time of this writing, the moon is in Leo. I'll probably snap out of my toxicity soon, but for now, I want you to know that Moose is overrated, and I don't like him.
In better news, Bruce got a cat.
I can't recall his name, but I'm pretty sure it's got two syllables and starts with a J.
Let's call him Jerry. Jerry is good-looking and unproblematic.
Keep it up, Jeffrey. Moose, if you’re reading this, shut up.
Reflections from my First Art Exhibit
It’s called “Most of my Bicycle Got Stolen.”
By Dom
I collaborated with a bicycle bandit to create an art installation in the parking lot of my apartment complex.
Here are five things I learned about myself throughout the process:
If you’re looking for an industrial-grade bike lock, I wholeheartedly recommend the OTTOLOCK Sidekick Compact U-Lock | Lightweight Silicone-Coated Bike Lock. It’s impenetrable.
If anyone knows how to properly secure a bike to a bike rack with a u-lock, please teach me.
Where is the rest of my bike, geographically? I am just curious.
I’m glad my bike finally found a purpose. For so long, it collected dust on the rack. Today, only part of it collects dust. The rest of it—hopefully—is in the hands of someone who appreciates its intrinsic value, or market value.
I love scams (seriously), I love innovation, I love art, and I do not care strongly about bicycles at all. This was a life-giving experience for me.
It’s been over two years since the exhibit was installed. I walk by it almost every day, on the way to my car.
I’m proud of my contribution to my community, and I hope “Most of my Bike Got Stolen” stays in its rightful place forever.
Feeling Happy
“I’m just sharing that things are great.”
By Joel
There are things I would wish away if a genie granted me three wishes. But for the first time in my whole life, I feel incredibly happy.
The world is always crashing and burning, which makes feeling joy or happiness a rare burden. I know the last sentence is full of privilege, but it’s kinda the whole point of this blurb.
I’ve been so lucky the last couple of years.
I met my wife who’s added so much to my life. Having her as a partner for the last three years has made my life unbearably joyful.
I’ve been blessed with friends who have encouraged me to explore writing because I might be good at it, which has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in the last few years.
Some days, I fear a comet will fall out of the sky and put an end to the joy that my life has been in the last few years. In the same breath, the same anxiety gently reminds me that I may never experience it again. So I hold the happiness tighter. I don’t wanna waste my time worrying about when it’s going to end.
There isn't a step-by-step guide to finding happiness, so I’m trying my best to enjoy it. I’m just sharing that things are great and there’s no point to this blurb.
I hope you all find it and never let it go.
Not buying everything I want
“A little anxiety or panic that you'll lose your house goes a long way.”
By Joel
I love to shop. I love spending money. So here are a few ways to avoid buying everything you want (especially if you don't have the money).
The first step, burn your phone. The second step is to lock yourself in a dark room, close your eyes, and not think about anything for 40 days. This is the only way to kill the consumer this world has carefully molded you into.
On a more serious note, I've taken a few steps to control my spending in the last couple of months to help me control my spending and painfully save to buy things I want.
The best way to beat this is to stop the ads. Unfollow all of your favorite accounts. Brands, tattoo artists, or whatever it is that makes you want to spend money, forcing you to eat instant noodles until your next paycheck.
Create a list of "things you want" and reference it when you have some extra money in your budget.
Budget, at least a little bit, lol. It's hella hard, but once you find a system and give yourself leeway to spend a little more, it doesn't become such a chore. I see it as a way to keep track of where I am spending my money.
Find a sugar daddy to take care of you.
A little anxiety or panic that you'll lose your house goes a long way.
These things have helped me control my urges to spend money I don't have.
Four Times My Big Brother Instincts Were Unnecessary
It’s me, hi. I’m the patriarchy it’s me.
By Dom
I often jump at the chance to rescue my younger sisters when they don’t need to be rescued. Here are four times I did just that.
1. Dance Fighting with Danielle
When my sister Danielle turned 21, I took her and some friends dancing. We were crumping on the dance floor when this random guy barged in and started pestering Danielle and her friend.
This bro with bad vibes nudged his way into our bubble and started pestering Danielle and her friend.
They waved him off, but he returned a few minutes later, putting his hand on Danielle's shoulder. This time, he punctuated his greasy pickup line by putting his hand on Danielle’s shoulder.
I clocked the visible discomfort on her face and pushed my way through the crowd with rage in my eyeballs, gearing up to shove this guy away.
But by the time I got there, my rage turned to awe. Danielle and her friend were fully karate-chopping this young man.
“He wouldn’t leave us alone, so we started elbowing him and aggressively punching the air right next to his face while we were dancing,” she explained later that night.
She coined it “dance fighting”
I was so ready to jab my index finger into this dude’s chest and yell, “hey watch it, pal.”
But Danielle and her friends had it covered.
They defended themselves, maintained their position on the dance floor, and stood their ground without missing a beat.
2. Vibing with Abbie
When I was a junior at Oral Roberts University, my sister Abbie enrolled as a freshman.
Aside from me, she didn’t know anyone at the school or in the state of Oklahoma.
As the first few weeks of college can be ultra-frightening for anyone, I introduced Abbie to a few of my friends, who made an unspoken pact to take her under their wing. One day, my friends noticed Abbie eating alone in the dining hall and invited her to join them for lunch.
She looked up with a smile and said, “No thanks! I’m vibing.”
Abbie proceeded to make her own friends, join her own clubs, and do her own thing. She stayed vibing.
Then, after the fall semester ended, she decided not to come back to ORU the following spring.
Ask her why and she’ll say, ”because people kept comparing my skin tone to a caramel macchiato.” Or she’ll just shrug and say, “institutionalized conservatism.”
Abbie knows what she wants and what she doesn’t want. She doesn’t need me to define anything for her.
While I think she would’ve enjoyed joining my friends for lunch, she was just fine vibing on her own.
3. Leaving Dana Alone
I helped Dana move to Korea a few months ago. I was afraid she’d be stricken by homesickness, culture shock, language barriers, and all the daunting things that happen when you fly across the ocean and move to a continent where you don’t know a single person.
I carried a heap of second-hand anxiety with me as we furnished her new apartment, explored her new neighborhood, and learned how to decipher Korea’s intense recycling guidelines.
I took way too many photos, bought a lot of groceries that Dana didn’t need, and talked her ear off for 6.5 days in a row. It was a great trip.
I didn’t want to leave because I was having so much fun. But I was also scared to leave because I thought my departure would trigger Dana’s homesickness.
Still, I hugged her goodbye, headed to the airport, and landed in Dallas 72 hours later.
Dana thanked me for coming and said I was not allowed to return unless I brought someone else with me to act as a buffer and absorb my Helicopter Parent Energy. Alternatively, if I couldn’t find someone brave enough to put up with my aura for seven days straight, I could come alone. But I had to book my own hotel room.
Basically, she said, “stop smothering me with affection.”
It’s official. I’m a helicopter parent. Anyone who knows me can attest that this is my biggest dream come true.
Today—six months later—Dana is vibing in Korea. She’s got friends (many of which I know by name [wassup Charlotte]). She’s got drama. She’s got her favorite local restaurants. She’s got all the boring stuff she had in the States. And she told me “she doesn’t miss me because we talk almost every day.”
OKAY, THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME.
I’m planning on visiting her again in the summer. But I’m booking a hotel. And I’m bringing Joel because Dana said so.
4. Cackling with Anna
Anna, my youngest sister, stays up so late playing video games. Like very late.
Sometimes, I want to remind her that she needs ample rest to aid in the healthy development of her growing brain (she’s 21).
A few weeks ago, at 2 AM, I woke up in a panic because I heard maniacal laughter coming from Anna’s room.
She was cackling with unhinged joy, as she conducted video game shenanigans with her friend. I think they were raiding a Minecraft, or perhaps they were Over Watching a Forty Night — I don’t know the specifics. Regardless, her laughter was unhinged.
I’d trade 100 hours of sleep and 1.5 million brain cells to laugh like that. Actually, wait, that’s false. I laugh like that pretty often. I know how it feels. It feels great! And it feels debilitatingly great to hear it coming from Anna’s room at 2 AM. Even if it wakes me up from my dream about going on a road trip with Kid Cudi.
Sleep is for dumb people and babies. Thanks for the reminder, Anna.
Conclusion
Anna, Dana, Danielle, and Abbie are doing just fine. I’ll continue smothering them with affection because it’s fun for me.
But I can rest easy knowing my helicopter parenting is purely recreational. I’m just vibing, and so are they.
Happy Bits
In celebration of Sailor Moon’s 30th anniversary, Jimmy Choo made the most incredible boots you’ve ever seen in your life.
Leave Phoebe (and Paul) alone.
Bella Ramsey, who plays Ellie in the The Last of Us, encourages homophobic people to sit back, relax, and shut up. Also, every actor in TLOU deserves an EGOT.
Thanks for reading, pals!
xoxo gossip girl etc.
Nice
I’m obsessed with these